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WASHINGTON D.C. – Responding to criticism that his recent executive order on childhood vaccines is medically unsound, President Trump has argued that its motivation was preventing kids from being sexually exploited later in life by killing them early. The defence was released by way of a Truth Social post: A lot of low-IQ people are […]
The post
ALASKA – Despite his super yacht being the nearest vessel to a small boat in trouble, Mark Zuckerberg revealed the simple reason he did not respond to the distress call was that he had muted the conversation. “Yeah, so, um,” said the multi-billionaire who made his fortune by exploiting your personal information, “We were having […]
The post
Conservatives are increasing the pressure on Mark Carney to secure a trade deal with Trump, putting out an open letter demanding he stop making concessions and secure a tariff-free deal immediately. However the letter did not include details on how exactly they would do that, so we reached out and asked.
The post
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney’s latest move in the ongoing trade war against the U.S. has been described as possibly his most aggressive, as he announced last week that his government would put a new export tariff on imaginary women whom American men claim to be dating. “If President Trump continues to use needless […]
The post
CALGARY – 23-year-old University of Calgary graduate Jayden Tkachuk expressed relief and excitement this past Monday after checking her email and discovering she’d made it to the sixth round of interviews and first round of bare-knuckle cage fights for an entry-level administrative assistant position at a mid-sized marketing agency. “This is the first time I’ve […]
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